


Vivid Recollection

by alainey



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Gen, Introspection, M/M, No Dialogue, but it's future Shen/Zed in my heart, kinda implied past Shen/Zed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 04:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alainey/pseuds/alainey
Summary: Shen’s visits to the market are visits of necessity: realized and scheduled and done without fanfare. He decides what he needs before he sets out, buys no more than what he’s already decided on, and then returns - various goods in tow - to his tiny room in the new settlement of the Kinkou Order.There’s comfort in the simplicity of it - a directness that Shen aims to employ in all manner of his actions throughout the course of his life. He enjoys having purpose, no matter how small, and so he plans out his days such that every action he takes is decided upon, achievable, and satisfying to complete. It only follows that Shen’s regular market visits become similarly scheduled in their execution, and get followed through in much the same way as every other aspect of Shen’s life - carefully, purposefully, and without noticeable flaw.





	Vivid Recollection

Shen’s visits to the market are visits of necessity: realized and scheduled and done without fanfare. He decides what he needs before he sets out, buys no more than what he’s already decided on, and then returns - various goods in tow - to his tiny room in the new settlement of the Kinkou Order. 

There’s comfort in the simplicity of it - a directness that Shen aims to employ in all manner of his actions throughout the course of his life. He enjoys having purpose, no matter how small, and so he plans out his days such that every action he takes is decided upon, achievable, and satisfying to complete. It only follows that Shen’s regular market visits become similarly scheduled in their execution, and get followed through in much the same way as every other aspect of Shen’s life - carefully, purposefully, and without noticeable flaw.

However, there are days when Shen’s spirit slowly starts to waver - days in which the carefully balanced lifestyle that Shen has set up for himself becomes more irregular, more unpredictable, more exciting. On those days - those teetering, terrifying days - Shen does away with his carefully planned-out lifestyle, and simply allows himself to live. He will travel through the market wherever his feet take him, breathing in the scent of sweet fruit and seasoned meats, and will revel in the sense of carefully detached companionship that the bustle of Ionia’s nightly bazaars never fail to provide. 

Today, as it happens, is one of those days.

Shen walks slowly, taking in the beautiful mess of storefronts that assault his vision at every corner. Lanterns of red, yellow, green and white swing from the porticoes of the buildings that line the streets, the stalls of the bazaar resting flush against their solid stone exteriors. Smoke wafts through the air - distorting his vision and bringing with it the vivid smells of both cooked and cooking food - and Shen ambles through the haze without any particular direction in mind. Children laugh as they pull both their families and their friends through the streets, and Shen finds himself stopping more than once to allow some exuberant young Ionian space enough to pass. 

He watches them go with quiet envy. In many ways, they represent a childhood that he’d never received - a life he’d never wanted to have. And yet, such a childhood is one that - on peculiar days like these - Shen wishes that he might have had the chance to experience all the same. 

Shen sighs, then pushes the thought aside - turning his attention, once more, to the bustling Ionian street before him. There is more than just food for sale, and - as delectable as all of it appears - Shen finds himself walking through the market towards the stalls dedicated to the products of a more physical nature: trinkets and baubles and delicate machinations all done by the hands of those much steadier than he. Shen admires them as he walks, and absently wonders if he might take the time to buy one. Would he buy one for himself? Surely not. But if not himself - then who? Shen continues to walk, continues to admire, and ponders the odd question as he does.

It’s by chance that the vendor he happens upon next - after yet another child dashes through the space at his feet - is one selling goods that Shen can’t help but recognize. The square, wooden game boards are a familiar, yet long-forgotten sight, and Shen finds himself staring at the assortment of boards long after the child has cleared itself from his path. Small, carved tokens sit comfortably atop the game board - some made of wood as well, others of multicolored stone, and some even of a glistening, ivory bone - and the familiarity of their design leaves Shen rooted in place, shaken to his core. 

He remembers small hands handling those same pieces - two young individuals sitting together under the shade of the lush Navori treetops. The walls of the Kinkou Monastery had stood tall and strong to their right - far enough away to offer them some semblance of privacy, yet near enough that they hadn’t felt too far away from home. And Shen remembers Zed’s face - boyish and conspiratory as he’d pulled Shen up and away from their studies to sit underneath that tree - and he remembers the excitement he’d felt once Zed had revealed the small wooden game board that’d he’d been hiding on his person. The two of them had taken Zed’s makeshift pieces out together, Shen admiring the tiny, carved pieces under the light of the sun, and together they had spent the afternoon learning, strategizing, and competing against each other until the sun had long gone down. 

They had been scolded for their efforts that night - Shen remembers that event quite vividly, too - but the thrill of the game and the novelty of having something new, something secretly and wonderfully their own, had led to many a night spent playing in the candlelit halls of the Monastery, heads bent and voices low. 

Shen had almost forgotten the game - they had outgrown it quickly and had moved onto greater exploits not long afterwards - but the sight of the wooden game boards, polished and beautiful under the lantern light of the marketplace, causes every tired, long-repressed memory to come rushing back to him. Shen stands in the street of Ionia’s vibrant night market with a pounding heart, body stiff as stone, and relives the oft secreted games that he and Zed had once played.

The store owner is gracious with him when Shen approaches her - no doubt aware of the longing that rests within Shen’s gaze. She procures new sets for Shen to look at - more beautiful ones, more intricate in their design - and displays each one before him with a flourish. Shen studies them, admires them, and caves.

He buys a set, pristine and polished with a deep lacquer finish, and takes it home in a curious daze. It’s a simple object - not worth the weight that his past seemingly wants to assign it - yet he cradles it in his arms as he returns to his room within the new Kinkou outpost. If it were any other type of day, he might have been able to restrain himself. He might have been able to settle the simple, wishful feelings that now trembled within him, and continue on his way through the night market without a second thought. But it’s not any other day, and so he accepts his small weakness with a tired sigh, heart heavy and wistful as crosses over the threshold of his room. 

He places the small gaming set at the center of his wooden tea table, and sits down steadily beside it. He stares at it for a long time before slowly unpacking the pieces and letting the ornately carved stones slide gracefully between his fingers. Shen sits, heart in his hands, and wonders if - perhaps one day in the far, far future - Zed might sit across from him like this, and play alongside him once more.

**Author's Note:**

> A short fic that I wrote for the most recent [leagueofwriting](https://twitter.com/leagueofwriting) prompt - "Game On!"
> 
> I wanted to write another scene from Zed’s POV where Zed finds their original gaming set (which had been stored away somewhere in the Kinkou Monastery), and finds himself in a similarly wistful state about his early childhood. He would inevitably conclude that all things left in the past are better left alone, but (because I’m a sucker for happy endings) it would then fast forward to a final scene where the two of them are growing old and playing together in a suitably serene environment. :)
> 
> Alas, I didn’t have enough time to do all that, but perhaps that’ll be something for me to tackle in the future haha. That said, please enjoy the Shen introspection I did manage to get done, and feel free to come bother me [here](https://twitter.com/alainey_lee) on twitter because I always love talking about these two and their tragic (love) story.


End file.
